Executive Decision Coaching

Walking on Eggshells?

By Rose Woodruff

     Walking on eggshells in the office? Too many Americans lose productivity to stress because one or two people in their organization have unrealistic expectations or poor communication. What can you do if you’re the one who’s been walking on eggshells?

1. Identify the source:  not only the person, but which of your values they are stepping on.  For example, a micromanager might be stepping on your sense of competence. You think that if they acknowledged your competence, they wouldn’t try to micromanage you. Perhaps the source disrespects your time by constantly demanding their projects be your highest priority. That might also be stomping on your values of equality and justice.
2. Spend some time considering the impact of having your values dismissed to both you and the organization. Who is impacted by it and what is the cost to your team and your company? Does the offending party have a stake in the outcomes that are negatively impacted by the behavior?  List as many short and long-term impacts as possible.
3. Start assembling your thoughts. There is a conversation waiting to happen around the behavior, its impact, and your request for future behavior. It is always good to start by stating your intent for the good of the team and the organization, and even the offending party. For example, “I know this team can reach our goal this year and earn substantial bonuses. I want to see our team recognized, and I know how important those bonuses are to me and my co-workers. Perhaps even, “I want you to have the opportunity to work on the best projects.”  Then, work backwards from when you are impacted/stressed and its impact on the team/organization. Then connect the dots to your being impacted because you feel your value of _______ being stepped on when he or she does/acts [and name the behavior]. You don’t need to make a judgment of good or bad on the behavior, even if you already have one. Just make the connections between the behavior and its impacts. Then make a request for a behavior change. Usually these begin with, “It would be helpful if” or “I would appreciate it if you” or “the team/organization would benefit from…”
4. Practice your language. These conversations have to happen at a calm time and in a matter of fact tone. Loud, rapid, or tense communication will deny both of you a sincere conversation that raises awareness and communicates a request that will legitimately be considered. So, practice, practice, practice. You can practice in front of a mirror or while driving in your car. You need to practice until you can picture yourself having that conversation in a calm, matter-of-fact tone, even if you get an unexpected response.
5. Be courteous. Ask the offending party “when’s a good time to talk?” Don’t make a big deal about it because that could stress them out and have them defensive before you utter the first word. Just ask if they have a few minutes because you would like to talk with them. Remember, this is a conversation WITH them, not TO them.  If you practiced your language and you are sincere, you’ll be surprised by the outcome. It might be that you get a counter offer. If they aren’t willing to give you the desired behavior, ask what they recommend that would meet your needs and theirs. If they offer a counter offer that honors your values, accept it.

      Executive Decision Coaching works with individuals to help them discern what values are being stepped on, formulate their language, and have the courage to have the conversation. For more difficult situations, Rose Woodruff offers relationship and team coaching to have difficult conversations in a controlled environment. No one should spend 40 hours a week walking on eggshells!

©2012 Rose Woodruff

Permission is given to use this article as long as author is cited with a link to www.ExecutiveDecisionCoaching.com.